Heyoka – The Sacred Clown

The spirit of a Heyoka is the Great Mirror.  When you connect to a Heyoka, what you see in them will show you what you need to work on to evolve spiritually.  The Heyoka’s mirror is one of emotion, for however you react to them emotionally is their guidance to reflect back to you.

I believe I have seen my reflection in a Heyoka’s mirror twice in my life. The first time I was young, unprepared, and probably frightened by it. I honestly believe we never really saw each other, just our reflection of ourselves in each other. She was no doubt the first love of my life, and who I thought I would marry and create a family with. I saw that in her mirror. The want for a normal life. I expected a decent job and a wife and kids to be my future. She saw the exact opposite in mine. She needed to wander, and grow in ways I hadn’t even perceived yet in my life.  I had had enough of school, she wanted more. We parted ways.

She had spent most of her 20’s wandering with the man she married at age 23. Living in places like Colorado and New Mexico among others. She followed her dreams and became an amazing artist. She learned meditation, and told me how I would come to her all through those years in her meditations. I stayed put, and hoped for that life I had expected so long ago. I have been from job to job trying to keep the ends tied together, always believing that “normal” life would come if I just kept working for it.

It wasn’t for 22 years that we would cross paths again. When we did, the fireworks began right where they left off. There is no denying the undying emotions we have for each other. We began dating, and almost immediately planning our future together. The first three months were an amazing journey of getting to know each other again. Then it happened. I saw it. One night while having a bottle of wine on her back patio under a full moon, that mirror shone as plain as day to me. I saw in her eyes the meditations she talked about. She told me I was always on the other side of a body of water. I could feel myself exactly in that moment, exactly where I was in those meditations. I felt a flash of my life before my eyes, and realized I had trapped myself in the life that I had, on the other side of that water, with expectations of what life should be, rather than going to create it. The choices that I had made that put me in that exact moment staring into that mirror. Only I guided myself here, and only I could change that path. Obviously I can’t speak for her, but I believe the same thing happened for her. She fell very ill within days after this. Our journey was again leading away from each other.

I learned from this that sometimes a soulmate is not the one you spend your life with. Many times they come into your life for just a moment just to open your eyes to things that you miss. Although I am very saddened that we don’t get to share more time together, I am grateful for her mirror. Since that moment, now three plus years ago, I am fully entrenched in a spiritual awakening. I have begun to live my life in a much more pure and positive way, leaving behind all the emotions I had trapped myself in. Fear, anger, hatred, guilt, negativity, and envy have all faded from my spirit. They are being replaced by honesty, awareness, love, compassion, peace, and kindness.

This, I believe, has put a windex shine on my mirror. I am finding more and more people as I go who are on a similar journey, and it is helping to shield me from the ones that might make me fall back into my old habits. This is at times a great joy, and at others a great burden. I have a hard time not trying to be a fixer now. I hate to see people hurt in any way. I have seen an amazing amount of healing in these three years in my own life. Healing that I wish I could share with everyone. When people come into my life who are obviously hurting, as I was for so long, I almost can’t help but want to help them heal too. Sadly, if someone is not ready to heal, there is no way to force that on them.

In this day and age most people are given pills to ‘heal’ them. They believe in doctors who are owned by big pharma, and most times just salesman of whatever drugs the FDA approves big pharma to make, for the next paycheck. Most of these drugs come with a side effects list so long that it boggles my mind that people will risk so many things to try to curb a symptom. In the end most of these ‘medications’ are doing more damage than we will ever know. The tests the drug companies run, very often incorporate such a tiny percentage of people that we never really know the true effects until much later. Almost everyday there is a new class action lawsuit for some drug that killed or hurt a huge percentage of people that it was supposed to help.

I hate to see people that I love taking these risks, with minimal results. This is especially hard for me when it is someone that I am dating, and care for. My mirror, and my seemingly backwards approach to healing shines even brighter. If I care for you, I cannot help but tell you the truths I have learned on this journey of awakening. My backwards is usually only backwards to people who are sold on the idea of medicine. I especially abhor medicine when it is used to treat trauma, depression, and anxiety. The medicines that are sold to help you feel better spiritually, only temporarily rid you of these emotions. There is no healing whatsoever involved. These emotions, when they run deep enough many times cause many physical ailments as well, and as the side effects list will surely state, may cause worsening depression and anxiety on top of it all. If you do not take the time to heal the root cause, the emotional scars, the physical ailments will many times just get worse. Healing those emotions will many times also help with the physical pains as well.

Your spirit is something that takes dedication to heal. We are inundated everyday in this world with 63961_474425312625273_1794902322_nnegativity. Most news stations broadcast, almost exclusively, bad news. Most video games and movies depict negativity, or fighting, or war, etc.  How many people in your news feed on facebook put negativity into your life on a daily basis? You know the ones. The complainers, the one’s that are always defending themselves to someone, The meme posters that create nothing, but more negativity, the people who spend more time sharing blogs explaining their traumas, and emotional scars than they do ever trying to heal them. Many times they don’t even realize how negative they are. I don’t blame them, or judge them, or argue with them. We all have our ways to deal with things, but I don’t want to see that everyday so I remove them from my feed. I don’t feel bad because anytime I can remove negative it makes room for positive. In order to begin to heal we have to limit our exposure to the negative and instead focus on the positive.

I won’t ever tell you that my way is the only way, but without a doubt I believe that positivity and self reflection is the right way. If the positive in this world could ever overtake the negative, oh what a world it would be.

My mirror shines, I am guiding, being guided by, and am watched over through it, and by my awareness. People have many different ways of reacting. I have known people to either love me or hate me for it. Either way my spirit is healing, and I only wish you the best on your path.