365


365 days

That could have went a million different ways.

I took a chance that I thought I had missed.

Still so very sad, that it became this.

Hello goodbyes, I reminisce,

I thought there’d be so much you’d miss.

On this day I invited you in,

Quickly my heart began to spin.

I fell further each day.

All my tears withered away.

You pulled me up from the bottomless pit,

Without you, there, I would still sit.

Even after all, that it became,

I miss you each day, for that, I am not ashamed.

I’m not the person that you’re seeing in me.

I promised that, to you, I never would be.

Still lost for why things, are what they are.

All I can do, for you, is wish upon stars.

If, when you walked away, what you said was true.

Then you walked away from me, for something you never even knew.

I hope you are well, and finding some peace,

I still care about you, that will never cease.

When I said those three words, I meant them for true.

My love doesn’t die, that is love, even if it wasn’t in you.

You said that it was, how quickly it flew.

It mustn’t have been, or those words simply have a different meaning to you.

I know it was quick, and I’m sorry for that,

I see clearer than most, with my feelings I’ve sat.

The healer in me always throws open my arms,

When instead it should set off all my alarms.

Yet I never said a lying word to you,

Every word from my mouth was utterly true.

Your reading these words, and fearing of me,

Yet to you, that, I never would be.

I know that trust is hard to believe,

I wish you could see, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I mean you no harm, I care so much about you,

It hurts to hear the things that you’re thinking I do.

I thank you for what you’ve brought back to me,

Nature, my heart, all the things you said I should see.

More fun with you, they would have been,

It wasn’t to be, I still wish it was then.

I’m sorry that you don’t get to choose how I feel.

You don’t get a say in the ways that I heal.

I lost something that meant a lot to me.

I tried to tell YOU, but you banished me.

I’m sorry, I’m hurt, I’m sad, and all of the like.

The last few years of my life have been quite the treacherous hike.

My heart has stopped beating so many a time,

Betrayed by all three, the only three, I uttered the three, and held so sublime.

You still hang on these words that I’m writing for me,

I wish i knew why, you still want to see.

After all of this I’m still wishing for you,

That winding trail with the breathtaking view.

I was hoping by your side I’d stare at it too,

I wish you’d forgive me for caring about you.

Wasn't this enough proof?

Proof of the things that i said? I pulled this from a million images inside of your head. Maybe it was a clue, for you too, to find the vibrations in you. Now I am gone, disappearing into the abyss. No more will you see me, you I will miss.

Walking my path

Some of us truly are what we say.

Too bad the story in your head will never let you believe that. 😥

 

 

Blue Moons and Butterflies

04-16-14
One year ago today
hearts did break
the dark filled me up
the moon it went away

nothing good could be found
life had no purpose
the universe was lying
the ship had run aground

all the patience that I had built
all the signs I knew I saw
everything had broken
and then I saw my guilt

I opened my eyes to the lesson
I took inventory of what I'd gained
the reason for the butterfly
I sat with all the pain

I took what I could muster
I picked myself back up
my heart somehow still beating
with effervescent luster

I see that I'm still becoming
and that you gave to me
the gift of your reflection
for my soul to finally be

the gift that you gave to me
is worth everything I've lost
the fear guilt and sadness
have become creativity

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Tools for Empaths

This was the perfect read for my disconnecting/reconnecting weekend. Overwhelm is exactly what I have been feeling lately. It blows me away that simple words can put things back in perfect perspective so simply. I hope it helps you too. Creating time today, alone nature time tomorrow. A happy productive weekend to you all. Love and light in abundance! ❤ p4th3tic

Serene Reflection

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The requests for guidance with managing waves of emotions and sometimes inexplicable overwhelm have been rising in recent times.  Energetically sensitive people feel affected by the collective energies and with all the calamities and changes in the collective and at individual levels, there is often turbulence in the air.  I have been sharing these tips in private and decided to share them here for the benefit of those who are looking for this material.

I understand that some of this may make no sense to a large amount of the population and may also provoke my Advaita – inclined friends to remind me of the value of ‘not doing’ and being.  I hold argument with neither and will not be responding to any comments along this line. I believe the most pragmatic thing possible is to be honest about where you are located on your spiritual journey.  So if you need…

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Ghetto Beach – Call it what you will, the sunsets are some of the best on this grand blue ball.

#GallegherBeach

One enormous reason that I am in love with about living in South Buffalo, New York is that some of the most incredible sunsets in the entire world are 5 minutes from my driveway. I have attended well up into the thousands of them now. I have been to them in all types of weather, I even sometimes go just to sit in the rain, and imagine the sunset. In the warmer weather there are generally many people also in attendance. Most people however watch the sun drop into the lake, and as soon as the gleaming ball of fire has been extinguished by her waters, they head back to their cars to leave. I, however, am a pro. I know that when that sun is gone, the show has just begun. The half hour or so after the sun sets is when the light show starts. Next time you take your significant other to see the sunset. Show up late, you will have the place to yourself, (unless I am there) and you will get to see what the sunset is all about. You can thank me later. 😉

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Heyoka – The Sacred Clown

The spirit of a Heyoka is the Great Mirror.  When you connect to a Heyoka, what you see in them will show you what you need to work on to evolve spiritually.  The Heyoka’s mirror is one of emotion, for however you react to them emotionally is their guidance to reflect back to you.

I believe I have seen my reflection in a Heyoka’s mirror twice in my life. The first time I was young, unprepared, and probably frightened by it. I honestly believe we never really saw each other, just our reflection of ourselves in each other. She was no doubt the first love of my life, and who I thought I would marry and create a family with. I saw that in her mirror. The want for a normal life. I expected a decent job and a wife and kids to be my future. She saw the exact opposite in mine. She needed to wander, and grow in ways I hadn’t even perceived yet in my life.  I had had enough of school, she wanted more. We parted ways.

She had spent most of her 20’s wandering with the man she married at age 23. Living in places like Colorado and New Mexico among others. She followed her dreams and became an amazing artist. She learned meditation, and told me how I would come to her all through those years in her meditations. I stayed put, and hoped for that life I had expected so long ago. I have been from job to job trying to keep the ends tied together, always believing that “normal” life would come if I just kept working for it.

It wasn’t for 22 years that we would cross paths again. When we did, the fireworks began right where they left off. There is no denying the undying emotions we have for each other. We began dating, and almost immediately planning our future together. The first three months were an amazing journey of getting to know each other again. Then it happened. I saw it. One night while having a bottle of wine on her back patio under a full moon, that mirror shone as plain as day to me. I saw in her eyes the meditations she talked about. She told me I was always on the other side of a body of water. I could feel myself exactly in that moment, exactly where I was in those meditations. I felt a flash of my life before my eyes, and realized I had trapped myself in the life that I had, on the other side of that water, with expectations of what life should be, rather than going to create it. The choices that I had made that put me in that exact moment staring into that mirror. Only I guided myself here, and only I could change that path. Obviously I can’t speak for her, but I believe the same thing happened for her. She fell very ill within days after this. Our journey was again leading away from each other.

I learned from this that sometimes a soulmate is not the one you spend your life with. Many times they come into your life for just a moment just to open your eyes to things that you miss. Although I am very saddened that we don’t get to share more time together, I am grateful for her mirror. Since that moment, now three plus years ago, I am fully entrenched in a spiritual awakening. I have begun to live my life in a much more pure and positive way, leaving behind all the emotions I had trapped myself in. Fear, anger, hatred, guilt, negativity, and envy have all faded from my spirit. They are being replaced by honesty, awareness, love, compassion, peace, and kindness.

This, I believe, has put a windex shine on my mirror. I am finding more and more people as I go who are on a similar journey, and it is helping to shield me from the ones that might make me fall back into my old habits. This is at times a great joy, and at others a great burden. I have a hard time not trying to be a fixer now. I hate to see people hurt in any way. I have seen an amazing amount of healing in these three years in my own life. Healing that I wish I could share with everyone. When people come into my life who are obviously hurting, as I was for so long, I almost can’t help but want to help them heal too. Sadly, if someone is not ready to heal, there is no way to force that on them.

In this day and age most people are given pills to ‘heal’ them. They believe in doctors who are owned by big pharma, and most times just salesman of whatever drugs the FDA approves big pharma to make, for the next paycheck. Most of these drugs come with a side effects list so long that it boggles my mind that people will risk so many things to try to curb a symptom. In the end most of these ‘medications’ are doing more damage than we will ever know. The tests the drug companies run, very often incorporate such a tiny percentage of people that we never really know the true effects until much later. Almost everyday there is a new class action lawsuit for some drug that killed or hurt a huge percentage of people that it was supposed to help.

I hate to see people that I love taking these risks, with minimal results. This is especially hard for me when it is someone that I am dating, and care for. My mirror, and my seemingly backwards approach to healing shines even brighter. If I care for you, I cannot help but tell you the truths I have learned on this journey of awakening. My backwards is usually only backwards to people who are sold on the idea of medicine. I especially abhor medicine when it is used to treat trauma, depression, and anxiety. The medicines that are sold to help you feel better spiritually, only temporarily rid you of these emotions. There is no healing whatsoever involved. These emotions, when they run deep enough many times cause many physical ailments as well, and as the side effects list will surely state, may cause worsening depression and anxiety on top of it all. If you do not take the time to heal the root cause, the emotional scars, the physical ailments will many times just get worse. Healing those emotions will many times also help with the physical pains as well.

Your spirit is something that takes dedication to heal. We are inundated everyday in this world with 63961_474425312625273_1794902322_nnegativity. Most news stations broadcast, almost exclusively, bad news. Most video games and movies depict negativity, or fighting, or war, etc.  How many people in your news feed on facebook put negativity into your life on a daily basis? You know the ones. The complainers, the one’s that are always defending themselves to someone, The meme posters that create nothing, but more negativity, the people who spend more time sharing blogs explaining their traumas, and emotional scars than they do ever trying to heal them. Many times they don’t even realize how negative they are. I don’t blame them, or judge them, or argue with them. We all have our ways to deal with things, but I don’t want to see that everyday so I remove them from my feed. I don’t feel bad because anytime I can remove negative it makes room for positive. In order to begin to heal we have to limit our exposure to the negative and instead focus on the positive.

I won’t ever tell you that my way is the only way, but without a doubt I believe that positivity and self reflection is the right way. If the positive in this world could ever overtake the negative, oh what a world it would be.

My mirror shines, I am guiding, being guided by, and am watched over through it, and by my awareness. People have many different ways of reacting. I have known people to either love me or hate me for it. Either way my spirit is healing, and I only wish you the best on your path.

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