Blue Moons and Butterflies

04-16-14
One year ago today
hearts did break
the dark filled me up
the moon it went away

nothing good could be found
life had no purpose
the universe was lying
the ship had run aground

all the patience that I had built
all the signs I knew I saw
everything had broken
and then I saw my guilt

I opened my eyes to the lesson
I took inventory of what I'd gained
the reason for the butterfly
I sat with all the pain

I took what I could muster
I picked myself back up
my heart somehow still beating
with effervescent luster

I see that I'm still becoming
and that you gave to me
the gift of your reflection
for my soul to finally be

the gift that you gave to me
is worth everything I've lost
the fear guilt and sadness
have become creativity

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10 Miles + hiked, 3 State Parks Visited, and many photos taken!

     I decided late last night I needed some nature time today in order to clear my head of all the stress of the past few weeks, and to help me put in perspective all of the decisions I have to make soon. I decided to head off toward Ithaca. I left about 5:30 am, and as always seems to happen lately, it couldn’t have worked out better. I got to watch the sunrise over Cayuga Lake.

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     Icing on the cake for the 2 and a half hour trip? Bad ass art…

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     I was on my way to Robert H. Treman State Park when I saw a sign that said “falls overlook next right”, so I turned right and ended up here with this fantastic view. I decided to explore a little more, and found the (very easy, flat, and kid and pet friendly) gorge trail that led me about a mile to the base of this 215 foot beauty… 

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     After sitting in awe for a bit at the beauty of Taughannock Falls I hiked back to the car and continued down Rte. 89S to find the prize at the end of my 2 and a half hour journey in my Dodge Journey. As I got closer I noticed another sign that said “Buttermilk Falls next left”. I tried to get over to make the turn, but I could not. I decided I would stop on the way back if there was time. I continued on, and finally found Robert H. Treman State Park. I went down the “Gorge Trail” there. This was a 2 and a half mile trek up and down pretty steep inclines with many waterfalls along the way, and many stairs. After I finished the gorge trail I went back the way I came, and then took the bridge over the Enfield Creek to the “Upper Rim Trail” that took me up a good 200 steep stairs to a view of Lucifer Falls from above. These trails were quite the workout. The stairs to the upper rim got me so winded that I had to take a break before I finished the last flight of stairs. The views were well worth the exercise. I was supposed to camp here for a weekend in October, but it fell through. This is the only way this trip could have been better, 3 days to take it all in, and a tour guide.

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     Last stop on my tour. I had nothing left in my still shaking legs for a trail. I was very relieved to see this sight a few feet from the entrance. A perfect end to a perfect day. ❤

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Letting go…

A few weeks ago, after a visit with my therapist, with which we ended with a meditation session with the intention being that “my path be made clear to me”. I walked out of the office, got in the car, checked my phone for messages, as per usual forgot to schedule a reminder for the next appointment, and went on my way with a renewed vigor for the day. As I merged onto the 219 north, a blissfully serene and scenic highway with farms, trees, rolling hills, and nature to behold, I looked up at the sky and I saw it. Gloriously, almost effortlessly gliding on the breeze was a bald eagle. They are around these parts of Western New York, but rare enough that in my 42 years on the planet this was the first one I had ever seen. It was low enough, maybe an altitude of 50 feet, and big enough to make out it’s white head and tail feathers. It was flying north with me as if it was guiding me down the road. I was in no hurry to get anywhere on this day so as I watched it turn east just before the Armor Duells exit, I got off hoping to follow it some more. I followed it east for a bit, then it turned back to the north, and so did I. As I approached a busy intersection with a long traffic light, it made a few circles above me as if to say goodbye, and disappeared back the way it came. I was in awe at this beautiful creature, I probably followed it nearly 4 miles until I hit that red light. I was almost in tears at the beauty and ease with which this giant beauty traversed across the sky.

Still wiping my eyes i looked to my left, there sat the woman that had stolen my heart twice in my life, once very recently. There she was staring at her I-phone like she always did, as beautiful as ever, completely unaware of the broken heart sitting next to her. I immediately began questioning that bird. Why did you bring me here?! Here of all places!? I was just starting to really let go of all of the heartache and pain that was 3 years of my life. This is not my path! She never noticed me. The left turn signal switched to green, and she drove away, and disappeared into the bevy of traffic as I sat there watching… again.

I let out a huge sigh, but I didn’t cry. When our relationship ended it was a very bitter pill to swallow. I probably lost 3 months of my life in a deep depression. Completely unaware of my surroundings at times. I spent $10,000 on a car during this period, and when it came time to have the oil changed I could not remember how to get to the dealership.

As I watched her drive away, the answer to the question that I asked that beautiful creature came to me. It had brought me there to demonstrate to me that our paths had gone a different way. Sometimes no matter how much you connect with, or love a soul on this planet there comes a time when paths may lead the opposite way. For the first time that day, I felt peace in my heart, and maybe the bloom of a flower or two. I felt like letting go was okay. She drove away alone one way, I the other, and our lives went on.