The Energy of Souls

IMG_20160326_122453774_HDRI Could Fall In Love With You. God knows I wanted to, but what good would that do? I’ve learned these lessons through and through.

Your world is so different than mine. I have just barely come to find, this world in my head that I create with my mind.

You’re all put together, so seemingly attached to your tethers. I’ve tried uncountable times to show others their feathers.

It only leads to nowhere, it gives no hope, just despair. Simply more broken hearts to repair.

So I’ll continue walking this path all alone, rather than break another heart, or my own. This is why I’m sure, how I’ve grown.

I wrapped you in my arms just one time. I could feel the rhythm of your heart entwine mine. The energy you feel when you find. Two longing souls that become aligned.

 

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign…

I’m always looking for signs. Sometimes they are tiny things like a song on the radio at the exact right moment, or when you figure out that gut feeling you had was exactly right. But sometimes they’re so prodigious that they can’t be ignored. Today I spent 2nd-guessing quitting my job. I had prepared myself for that, second-guessing is a very natural human reaction when making any important life-changing decision. Still it ate away at my psyche a bit, and muddled up my mood.

I took a short afternoon nap, and decided to go see the sunset when I awoke, as I do most days that I am DSC02224awake for them. I decided to change it up a bit and go somewhere different, maybe for a different perspective that might lighten my mood. Almost without thinking about it I decided on Chestnut Ridge. I had never been there for a sunset, and had read that the sunsets there were amazing. There are swings that you can sit on and stare out over the ridge. You can see almost the entire shoreline all the way to downtown Buffalo from this vantage point. When I arrived, to my dismay, the swings had been taken out for the winter. I sat in my car for a few minutes debating on whether I would just sit on the ground. Then I remembered I had a couple of folding chairs stowed under the floor in the back of the truck.

I grabbed my phone and my camera, and as I was getting out of the truck I saw a beautiful red tail hawk soaring above the hill. I hurried to grab my chair hoping to get a good picture of the bird. Sadly by the IMG_20160316_191258811_HDRtime I got the chair, the bird had flown elsewhere. I walked over to the top of the hill and chose a good spot near where one of the swings had been, in order to watch the sunset. As I pulled the chair from the bag, I looked over and saw young man with dreadlocks sitting on a wicker throne some 10 yards from me. I sat in silence taking in the view for a few minutes, and readying my camera for what was sure to be a breathtaking sunset. As I looked over at the young man, he was unpacking something from his own bag, it looked to be some sort of drum.

As he began to play I was awed by the sound of what he later told me was called a hang drum. I had seenDSC02225 them online in videos but never live. The sound of it was amazing. It was inspiring and soothing and created a very meditative mood. I snapped a couple pictures of him, but after listening for a few minutes I forgot all about my camera. He played nonstop for a good 10 minutes. I was hoping for him to take a break for a minute so that I could tell him how amazing it was. I finally decided I had to stop him myself and tell him. I walked up to him and I said, “I’m sorry man, I don’t want to break your groove but I had to thank you for playing for me.” He shook my hand and thanked me. He asked me my name, and told me his name was Nate. I asked him if I could record him for a few mins. He said, “Yea man record away.” I stood next to him and crouched down. It was the perfect vantage point as I could see the sun setting behind him. I took a couple of minute-and-a-half videos. When he finished we both looked at each other and kind of laughed, I think we both realized what a perfect moment it was.

We chatted for a few minutes afterward about politics, the state of the world, and what each of us did for a living. It was refreshing to hear someone so young with such wisdom. It turns out we both had a pretty crummy day, and we had both come to cleanse the day away. Experiencing his music definitely did the trick for me. I told him my name on Facebook so that he could see the video after I uploaded it.

When I got home I viewed the video and I was in awe. The second video I took had a beautiful fade in as the sun overexposed the lens of the camera, and just as he was finishing up that same overexposure of the lens happened again. You can hear my giddy laugh as he finishes up. Yep that was exactly what I needed for the day thanks Nate. I hope you enjoy this video as much as I enjoyed it live!

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365


365 days

That could have went a million different ways.

I took a chance that I thought I had missed.

Still so very sad, that it became this.

Hello goodbyes, I reminisce,

I thought there’d be so much you’d miss.

On this day I invited you in,

Quickly my heart began to spin.

I fell further each day.

All my tears withered away.

You pulled me up from the bottomless pit,

Without you, there, I would still sit.

Even after all, that it became,

I miss you each day, for that, I am not ashamed.

I’m not the person that you’re seeing in me.

I promised that, to you, I never would be.

Still lost for why things, are what they are.

All I can do, for you, is wish upon stars.

If, when you walked away, what you said was true.

Then you walked away from me, for something you never even knew.

I hope you are well, and finding some peace,

I still care about you, that will never cease.

When I said those three words, I meant them for true.

My love doesn’t die, that is love, even if it wasn’t in you.

You said that it was, how quickly it flew.

It mustn’t have been, or those words simply have a different meaning to you.

I know it was quick, and I’m sorry for that,

I see clearer than most, with my feelings I’ve sat.

The healer in me always throws open my arms,

When instead it should set off all my alarms.

Yet I never said a lying word to you,

Every word from my mouth was utterly true.

Your reading these words, and fearing of me,

Yet to you, that, I never would be.

I know that trust is hard to believe,

I wish you could see, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I mean you no harm, I care so much about you,

It hurts to hear the things that you’re thinking I do.

I thank you for what you’ve brought back to me,

Nature, my heart, all the things you said I should see.

More fun with you, they would have been,

It wasn’t to be, I still wish it was then.

I’m sorry that you don’t get to choose how I feel.

You don’t get a say in the ways that I heal.

I lost something that meant a lot to me.

I tried to tell YOU, but you banished me.

I’m sorry, I’m hurt, I’m sad, and all of the like.

The last few years of my life have been quite the treacherous hike.

My heart has stopped beating so many a time,

Betrayed by all three, the only three, I uttered the three, and held so sublime.

You still hang on these words that I’m writing for me,

I wish i knew why, you still want to see.

After all of this I’m still wishing for you,

That winding trail with the breathtaking view.

I was hoping by your side I’d stare at it too,

I wish you’d forgive me for caring about you.

Wasn't this enough proof?

Proof of the things that i said? I pulled this from a million images inside of your head. Maybe it was a clue, for you too, to find the vibrations in you. Now I am gone, disappearing into the abyss. No more will you see me, you I will miss.

Walking my path

Some of us truly are what we say.

Too bad the story in your head will never let you believe that. 😥

 

 

What is Love you ask?

This verse is most times read at weddings. It was read today at my uncle Leonard’s funeral. I felt compelled to come home and read it again. It is a beautiful verse. Enjoy. ~ ❤ peace and light p4th3TiC

1 Corinthians 13

Love Is Indispensable

And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Blue Moons and Butterflies

04-16-14
One year ago today
hearts did break
the dark filled me up
the moon it went away

nothing good could be found
life had no purpose
the universe was lying
the ship had run aground

all the patience that I had built
all the signs I knew I saw
everything had broken
and then I saw my guilt

I opened my eyes to the lesson
I took inventory of what I'd gained
the reason for the butterfly
I sat with all the pain

I took what I could muster
I picked myself back up
my heart somehow still beating
with effervescent luster

I see that I'm still becoming
and that you gave to me
the gift of your reflection
for my soul to finally be

the gift that you gave to me
is worth everything I've lost
the fear guilt and sadness
have become creativity

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