I read this at Steve Aitchison.CO.uk and I wanted to share it here for anyone having problems in their relationship, take a look in the mirror… Are you guilty?
Relationships are a full time job. Both parties always on their best behaviour to please the other while trying to please themselves and maintain their own true identity. Yes, it’s a tough job keeping a relationship alive and afloat. What’s even tougher is having to deal with betrayal in a relationship.
If things are already starting to go downhill, the only thing that can really send it crashing down faster is betrayal. But betrayal can come in many forms, not just affairs. It goes without saying that cheating on your partner is probably top of the list of betrayal but here are a few other things that are on the betrayal list.
And many can get away with this for a long time but like anything else, it eventually surfaces. Hiding a drug addiction can be hard to do but not impossible. Your partner will feel like they can’t trust you with anything anymore and will wonder what decisions were made while under the influence and which ones were made when you were straight. It leads them to wonder if you need to be high to be in this relationship with them.
2. Confiding your problems in others first.
Why didn’t you go to them first? Relationships should be trusting and maintain open communication at all times. If you are confiding your problems with your friends first and not your partner, they will wonder why you can’t trust them to talk about your problems with and why you had to seek outside sources. It will also make them feel uncomfortable as others now know your private business.
Is just bad, period. But when you lie to your partner about anything that, for some, is worse than a slap in face, knife to the heart, you get what I mean. Once a lie has been told trust gets thrown out the window and it could take years for it build again. Always speak the truth, no matter how bad the truth may be, a lie is always worse.
4. Speaking badly about you to family, children, friends, etc.
When you start smearing the other person’s name all over you are forming a new opinion of this person in other people’s minds. Yes, people still believe what they hear. If you are going through a separation and you are speaking ill of your ex to your children, your children suddenly have a new vision of their parent and because of you, it’s not good. Don’t do this ever. Our children have inquisitive minds and they take in everything they are told. Let them keep loving their parent until their parent has given them reason not to.
5. Emotional cheating.
You know what I’m talking about. Texting your co worker and it’s not so much about work anymore. Emailing that friend you found on FB that was once your high school sweetheart, private messaging that person you are playing poker with online. You get what I mean. It’s still cheating. Your heart is somewhere it shouldn’t be. If you are in a committed relationship, your heart should only be with your partner, not Sally from Georgia that you had a crush on since Grade 9.
6. Bullying or emotional/verbal abuse.
Without getting into abuse to o much, emotional abuse is very hurtful. With each mean or angry word you shout out to your partner, you are chipping away at their self worth and their heart. It hurts just as much as cheating. Your partner will never know when your next emotional attack will come. They love you, but they despise you for your mean and hurtful words that are undeserving.
This takes on many forms. Not sticking up for you in front of others, putting you down in front of others, putting themselves first and not caring what you think or what your opinion is, ignoring you at events or not acknowledging you or your opinions in discussions. The list is long and goes on and on. Disrespect is something that should be high on the list for relationships but if yours is lacking, then so will your relationship.
Yes, relationships are a lot of hard work, but with the right person, it could be natural and almost effortless. One thing you must remember though is that love, true love, is inside of you. If you don’t love yourself first, you will not attract the right partners.