I, being forty something, make lists. I would like to remember, but I forget more things each day. Small things mostly, but those are the things that matter most. For instance, I will never forget that I love you, or how much. I may, however, forget your favorite brand of paint brush or the size of your ring finger or your clothes. This is mainly because, to me, you will always be the 17 year old girl I fell in love with at first glance. To me it matters not the grey in your hair, or if your skin wrinkles with age. Time only makes me revere the woman inside of you more. That being said, I would like to buy you clothes. The kind that protect you from the sun, but are also so comfortable that you will want to wear them for painting, and gardening, and washing the kitchen floor. I would like to garden with you in your comfy, SPF 50, clothes while you remind me that I am getting too much sun with my shirt off.
I would like to watch you paint a masterpiece while I strum my guitar and sing badly, but quiet enough so that I don’t distract you from your work. Work it is, I know, even if you enjoy it. It is a life’s work that touches other people’s soul. I would like to support you anyway I can so that you can bring your work to the world without worrying over the small stuff. I would like for you to give me the same opportunity when you become the breadwinner of our happy family because of your success.
I would like to experience the lows, and celebrate the highs with you on your journey to success. To watch as you realize your goals, and also that you need me for nothing in particular, but still want me to stand with you anyway. Not ahead or behind, but right there with you. You are a strong woman who I know shall never hide behind me. I shall always like to shield you from the darkness in this world, still I know that you have seen it’s dreary head and beat it back many times on your own. I would like for you to remind me of this at the occurrence of my forgetting, or my wanting to step into the barrage on your behalf, should you not want me too. Although, should you need a break from the madness, I would like to afford you the time to recuperate for the next battle.
I would like to get to know the things about you that I don’t know well. Your morning rituals, how long it takes you to get ready for a formal date, the way you recall the recipes for the meals that you prepare. I would like to eat those meals with you, and prepare for you my favorite recipes.
I would like to get to know your family, and for you to get to know mine. I would like to thank your parents for bringing a light like you into my life. I would like to gain approval from your rightfully overprotective siblings. I would like to enjoy weddings as your date. Be there for funerals to hold your hand for final respects. I would like to see you hold a newborn baby and watch the way you look at it. When it is my turn and it cries I would like for you to cootchie coo it so I can feel it’s warmth for a bit too.
I would like to experience new things with you. I would like to jump from a plane with you, or just stay seated for an arrival to a new adventure. I would like to ride our bikes to the lake to take a walk to my favorite spot and breathe with the rhythm of the tide, as the sun falls into her depths and the light fades.
I would like to be still and silent and breathe with you. I would like to be loud and dance and play with you.
I would like to hug you and to kiss you. Oh how I would like to kiss you. At the stroke of midnight at a new years celebration, the morning of your 25th, 17th birthday, on mother’s day as I serve you breakfast in bed, or to calm your nerves on a stressful day, before you leave for your errands, on my way out the door for work, and when I return home to wake you for the day. I would like to kiss you alot to make up for all the years I have been unable to.
I know you don’t like surprises, but I would like for you to forgive me when I do surprise you. For your birthday, or when I propose to you, or with a vase full of flowers just because. I would like for you to say yes. I would like to marry you on a beach as the sun sets and the light plays through your hair, and makes the tears on my face twinkle.
I would like to exercise with you to hold back the years and illness. I would like to practice yoga and meditation with you to help keep us calm and centered for when adversity hits.
I would like to do things with you, and without you. I would like to grow and flourish and succeed and fail. I would like to be helpful and be helped. I would like to teach you my art and learn yours and for it to be ok to be bad at it.
I would like to laugh more than we cry, to breathe more than we sigh, to grab hold of more than we let get by….