A letter to “the one”, from the lessons of the past.

We have all had relationships, you may feel much the same as I do…

Some have been long. Some have been short. There have been trials and tribulation. There has been romance and jubilation. I have felt love at first sight, and I have tried to force love that I knew wasn’t right. I have seen myself in the mirror of a soulmate that brought within me great change. I have yearned to be that to someone to help them heal and rearrange.

In all of these times of sharing time, only two things have always stayed the same. First, there has always been a beginning and an end, and more importantly, I have always learned many lessons from them. Some lessons have had great meaning, Some have left my heart bruised and bleeding.

Regardless of the gravity of the lessons, that gravity has always pulled me in the same direction. I have become more aware of what I long for in a mate, while teaching me that it’s perfectly okay to patiently wait. I have learned that honesty and trust above all other things, can make a love soar, or for lack of that, just give it wings that flutter to the floor.

When I meet you, the one, I will already know you. I have seen parts and pieces in the ones that have come before you. The lessons we’ve learned, apart for so long. Will spawn our great love honest, humble and strong. Should you find me in this lifetime, this bevy, this crowd, these words afore written. This I avow. This is my thank you for coming, and my sharing what I adore, from all the lessons of loves before you that have opened our door.

Dear You,

I have been waiting a very long time to see you. I have learned so much without you, about you. I am so glad you are you, and not a version of you for me. Thank you for your trust. I am an honest man that knows how quickly that trust can be broken, and how insuperable it can be to rebuild. Thank you for being as trustworthy as you are trusting. I have had few trusting relationships in my life, and am so very thankful for how transparent you are with me when I need you to be. This quality that you have is more important to me than all the rest of your attributes combined.

Thank you for putting up with my sometimes forgetfulness. I will always try to do the little things because I love to see you smile more than watching the sunset at the lake. Thank you, still, for forgiving me, without thought, for my honest mistakes. I will always give you the same in return. We are all human, and prone to times of thoughtlessness. When these moments do arise, I am impressed with your ability to communicate to me your disappointment in the moment, and to not let it resonate, and build inside you. I would always rather hear your feelings when you have them. Communication is nearly as important as trust in a relationship. My intent will never be to disappoint or hurt you, but when I do, I will not be afraid to apologize for something I have done wrong.  I am grateful for the times when you admit to me that you are wrong, and promise to never come back to that moment when things get tough and say “remember when you…” because that is not forgiveness. When I forgive you I will do it with entirety, or I shall ask to keep the communication open about it until we are both comfortable with the solution. Thank you for having the patience to listen to my feelings also. As men, we sometimes seem expected to not have them, but let me assure you we do.

Being that our love is so fierce, I am glad that we can settle our differences so easily without yelling, and carrying on because we know that at the end of the day we are working toward a common purpose. It is nice to always be able to close my eyes for sleep knowing that despite what happened in the waking hours, that our sleeping moments can be restful with the peace gained from knowing that anything that may have been problematic to us has been solved, and put to bed before we were.

These first few paragraphs are the most important things I am grateful for in you, and our relationship. Now I would like to describe, to you, the simple things that I adore about your presence in my life. Your scent. Not the scent that you spritz on your wrists and neck from a bottle before an evening out on the town. The scent of your skin. As I lay next to you at night, with my nose close to your neck, that scent. I could be blindfolded in a room full of strangers, and pick you out at the first tingling of my nose from that scent. It is magical. I sometimes catch a whiff of it in strange places when you are nowhere around and it immediately brings me back to you.

Your hair. I love to play in it, to have it tickle my face, to have you sit in front of me, and let me brush it for you because you are tired from your day. I like it long because there is more to touch, and the odd chance you may let me braid it for you before you lay down for the evening. When you cut it short, I like it too. It is nice to run my fingers through, and it lets me see more of your beautiful face, and does not hide your mesmerizing eyes. Please don’t ask me to pick long or short because it is perfect either way.

I absolutely adore your creativity. Thank you for sharing with me your creations. It, to me, is as if you are baring your naked soul to me when you create something, and describe to me the thoughts that went into it. Why you chose the colors you did, what you expect others to see, or get out of it, the symbolism you used. I love it that you let me read to you poetry, and stories that I have written. I am grateful for the way you listen to my terrible singing while I write lyrics that are usually sad, but let my soul shine outwardly, and for the times you feel okay to sing with me. I apologize for the unfinished projects I have, and that you understand that sometimes I may stare at something for months on end until it speaks to me, and tells me what it is. I apologize for sometimes cluttering things up around you with these.

I am so glad that you are my best friend, yet have your friends, and book clubs, and love of music, It is time that gives me time to know myself, and that I need to ground myself, and for you to also grow your individuality, and sense of self. Being in a relationship, many times can make you feel like you have very little of this. Thank you for giving me my space to grow while you do the same for you. In the same breath, I adore the times you come to me, and ask me what I think of your ideas, thoughts, and creations because maybe you are unsure of yourself, or just need an opinion to make it click. I am grateful for the many times you have inspired me to tears, that I rarely let you see, and for many times giving me the extra push that I need to make something come together.

I am in awe that out of 6 billion people on this grand blue ball, that you popped out of the crowd and into my life at such a perfect time. It seemed like forever without you, but I realize that I needed the time to grow spiritually, and find the things that ground me like yoga, and meditation. Thank you for sharing in those gifts with me. When we meditate together and share energy, tossing it back and forth like a water balloon, these are some of the most amazing moments in my life.

I could probably go on for decades with this. Let me just tell you one more thing instead. Your hugs. The feeling of connecting heart-to-heart with you, with my arms wrapped tightly around you. This reminds me of every single good thing I have ever encountered in my life. Every time I embrace you it is like my life flashes before my eyes. When those moments linger, I feel a release of energy that is just indescribable. When the moment comes that ends all that is, I hope it is when I have you wrapped in my arms because from there, I know whatever happens is what was meant to be.

To You, My Love, With All My Love,

Me